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Parenting Your Teen Sometimes, as a parent of two teenagers, I sit back in awe and wonder where the time has gone. I am appreciative of the knowledge and skills they have acquired while at the same time, I realize how much they have yet to learn. I just hope and pray that I have provided the guidance they need. Although I have enjoyed watching my children grow, one thing I still have difficulty with is the quickly changing moods. And of course I have gone from being asked how to do things and looked up to as one who is smart and capable to one "who doesn't get out much". I am looking forward to the time I will be respected again for my wisdom and experience (or is that just wishful thinking?) During the early teen years there seems to be a push and pull going on inside the child. One hour she may be independent and doesn't want your help and the next hour, needs to be hugged and assured everything will work out. There really is a struggle going on as the adolescent goes back and forth between the security of being a child and trying to develop her own identity and independence as she moves toward adulthood. Sometimes the behavior may remind you of a two year old and the "my do it" stage. It is important to be patient and understand that this is a normal and necessary stage in development. To make this period as pleasant as possible, treat your child with respect and model the kind of behavior you expect from him. It is often easy to loose your temper and yell. The teen will likely come back in the same tone, or storm out of the room. If you do loose your cool and say something you later realize wasn't appropriate, explain and apologize. This teaches them how to handle mistakes and make amends. Yes, it does reinforce their belief that you are not perfect, but it is also shows that the relationship with your child is important to you. And then there is the issue of communication. When your teen wants to talk, give your undivided attention. Don't read, watch TV or fall asleep. Sometimes it is best to just sit and talk, other times it is more comfortable for the teen to be helping in the kitchen, working outside with you, or riding in the car when important subjects are discussed. As a parent, it is critical to be in tune to what your child is saying and the underlying meaning. When talking, find out what the teen knows and what his values and beliefs are. Listen to his beliefs without criticism, and then share yours. You still have a tremendous influence on your child, who is still trying to decide what is right for him. If you come across too strong or critical, he may avoid talking to you in the future or even become more intent on doing things his way. It is a challenge for a parent to be firm about important values and rules while being flexible about others. When there is a conflict, listen to your teen's reason for wanting to do something, find out what the exact plans are. Compromise when possible. I have found at times, my initial reactions has been to say no, but after hearing more, I realize that my child has thought through the plan and has actually considered safety and other important concerns. (Maybe she has been listening to me after all). If you are concerned that an activity is not in your child's best interest, tell her why and hold firm to your decision. Suggest another activity. Stay involved! Encourage your child to be involved in church and school activities. Volunteer to chaperone events. Attend games. Suggest your teen hold study groups at your house and you supply the pizza and drinks. Let your teen know you are pleased with his accomplishments. And don't forget the hugs. |
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