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Mom.....
There's a Monster in the Closet!

Many parents of young children are often faced with how to protect their child from the monsters that come out at night, the fear of bears coming in the house, etc. This article will explain the developmental stages of fears and how to help children overcome them.

Between the ages of zero and three, fears center on feelings of vulnerability. Infants have an inborn fright reaction to pain, sudden loud noises, bright lights, and loss of physical support. These instinctive fears, developed for survival, tend to pass as a child gains an understanding of and trust in his environment & caretakers.

As babies begin to form close bonds of love and trust with important and familiar people in their lives they may develop stranger anxiety and separation distress. When a new face enters the picture, they become anxious because it is unfamiliar and may cry from distress. This may also cause distress for grandparents who come to visit. But be patient and allow some “warm-up” time. Often if the child is allowed to remain close to the parent and not pushed to go to the “stranger”, the child will become comfortable and begin to visit.

Before eight months of age, baby believes that if mother disappears, she will never return. As the image of mother becomes more permanent, the fears go away. Then when the toddler realizes she can wander away and that the security of mother is no longer close by, a new kind of separation anxiety surfaces. Just about any change in routine can activate separation distress throughout childhood. The sensitive child needs advance notice of significant changes, time to ask questions and to be reassured.

It is during this time of development that young children may become afraid of animals and thunder and lightning due to sudden movements and/or unexpected loud noises.

Children of preschool age begin to understand how much of the world is beyond their control. This realization along with an active imagination can become quite distressing to the child and to the parents. There are many “whys?” and “what ifs…?”. The child may believe in magical thinking & fear their angry wishes or thoughts will come true. What seems to adults as irrational fears, such as monsters and fear of being flushed down the toilet may develop. (After all, it does happen on TV and in the movies.) If your child becomes fearful, ask your child questions such as “Have you ever seen a monster?” “What makes you think that there is monster under the bed?” Often the child will give you clues to where the fear originated and give you the chance to explain (you’re too small to fit in the drain pipe) and hopefully clear up any misunderstanding. Again, patience is necessary.

Around five or six, children may begin to realize that dangers are present and that parents may not be able to protect them. World events and news stories feed into the normal fears about physical injury and separation. It is very important to reassure the child. During our current war involvement, it is best to avoid or significantly limit TV coverage of the events. Even if you think the child is not paying attention to the news, the child is hearing what is being said. The child may become clingier and you may notice more questions about safety concerns, especially at night.

The elementary age child frequently worries about social relationships and performance. Feelings of inferiority can cause great anxiety and even lead to phobia about attending school, taking tests, or meeting people.

Keep in mind that fear is partially determined by interpretation of the event. Individual experiences & concerns may influence the intensity and the content of fears. Some children are just more perceptive than others and need time to ask questions and process the event

How can parents help?

• Acknowledge the fear, show empathy, concern and give reassurance.
• Ask questions.
• Notice changes in behavior. A child may not verbalize fear, but may become clingy,complain of stomachaches or headaches.
• Allow children to deal with the fear through play and drawing. Reading stories about
• characters that have similar fears and how they over come them are extremely helpful.
• Prepare the child ahead of time for changes in routine and things like doctor visits
• Watch out - once a fear is established, it may persist because of the secondary gains, i.e.
• the extra attention

The good news –new coping skills are developed as a fear is conquered, helping the child feel more confident in himself and his abilities.

If any of these developmental fears seem severe or persists, professional help may be needed. Extended anxiety and the related stress could lead to health problems and/or interfere with relationships.

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